Monday, March 31, 2008

You win universe, you win...

So here's a tip for future teachers out there. Don't introduce your boyfriend to your students. It will seem like a good idea. He will think it's good idea. You'll do it and then— because this is just the way life in my world works — he'll break up with you and come sub at your school.

The great mystery of children is what causes them to remember some things and not others. I can't get Brandon to remember his homework, his pencil or his assigned seat, but he can remember with basically no problem the face of a guy he met for two hours four months ago and let me know that he was his gym teacher today. Awesome.

I don't really care that the ex-boyfriend, now-friend is subbing here. I told him to sub here. He told me he was going to sub here. I said "ha, gym class, have fun." Then he taught my students and I realized that four months ago I should ignored the sad hurt puppy dog face that he gave me when I wouldn't hold his hand in front of my students and gone with the initial gut reaction of: they are 12, they in no way at all need to know anything more than I am old and lame and here to teach them. Yeah, boyfriends make you do stupid things.

Unfortunately, Brandon is not the only one who met him or the only one he taught in gym class. I was met with a litany of "Miss, Miss, your boyfriend is here." today as my kids rolled into third period.

All of this sends me into a mental conniption fit because now my personal life is in my classroom and it's not even the correct and up-to-date version of my personal life. The response in my mind ends up something like this: Yes, I know my boyfriend is subbing in your gym class, but actually, no, he's not my boyfriend anymore and I'm fine. I'm really fine. I swear. It was a mutual decision. Best for both parties. Yes, we're still good friends. Yes, I'm fine. I'm sure I'll find someone else. A guy at the gym asked me out, so don't worry, I'm not sitting at home eating chocolate and watching soap operas and thinking up names for all the cats I'll own to keep me company. I'm fine by the way, please don't give me the sad face and the arm pat — whoever thought that up as the appropriate response to a break-up obviously married their high school sweetheart, has 2.5 kids and doesn't have fat days. Wait, why am I having this 'justifying my life conversation' in my head with a 12-year-old? Oh yes, because you're 12 and 12-year-olds can basically remember nothing of importance, but THIS, THIS YOU CAN REMEMBER.

What actually ended up coming out of my mouth after a few deep breaths was something that resembled a shrug combined with an "I don't know" combined with the urge to shout out "Am I on candid camera?! Because it's Monday and I haven't had any coffee and this is just mean." I probably should have just stood there opening and closing my mouth and having the aforementioned mental conversation for all the good it did at changing the subject.

At least I'm learning from all of this that nothing, and I seriously mean nothing is out of the realm of possibility or the realm of humor. Who would have thought Brandon would discover his skills of recalling and who would have thought it would be over something like this? If I can't laugh at this then the world is going to be hard place to face for the next 60 or so years. Oh universe you are a funny, funny place.

Maybe tomorrow Brandon will remember to bring his pencil.

1 comment:

APN said...

Probably not. Brandon finds your personal life much more interesting than his pencil.

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