Sunday, June 25, 2006

Where are the PhD students?

I feel like TFA institute is a psychology experiment waiting to happen. I mean really, someone should be studying us. People are freaking the heck out. We would make a great thesis. It makes perfect sense actually, you take a bunch of college grads who were top of their class in everything and who have never been told they could fail and you put them in a ridiculously stressful and challenging environment with people (the students) who don’t care about their 4.0 gpa or that they were president of their sorority. You put them into situations where they are more likely to fail then succeed and you watch them push themselves to the point of breaking. Lesson plans, action plans, debriefs and nightly meetings. There’s so much going on I can barely think straight and we’re all pushing ourselves. I don’t actually think they’ll kick us out of TFA for getting one more hour of sleep a night, but we’re all people who hate failure, so we don’t sleep more because it has to be perfect. This plays right into my theory about smart people: they’re insanely insecure. They can’t fail because it means they are what they fear being the most, a loser who is average. Honors, intelligence and fancy vocabulary is what smart people thrive on because it protects them from the thought that they could simply be mediocre. This doesn’t hold true for all people, but for many. I fall trap to it myself. It’s actually kind of funny to watch. It amazes me how much our resumes were touted in conversation the first week and now I just really don’t care. Your honors thesis ain’t gonna help you in my classroom with George, Manuel, Jesus, Jose, Angel and Fabiel.

Things are going a little better with my kids, they’re up and down. Sometimes they listen, other times they don’t at all. I count backwards from five a lot. This is very strange. I also give out more pencils than I could have ever imagined. What do they do with all the pencils? I mean really. They steal pencils. And they do it in every class. I don’t think this was a thing when I was in school. I don’t remember stealing pencils. I’m trying to think of all the bad things I did in school so I won’t be shocked when it happens here.

Because people are losing their minds, they computer labs are not happy places to be. People are way to mean to each other. I went down to the TFA resource room tonight and I think I might make it my new work space. There’s a funny guy down there who messes with everyone, which definitely keeps the mood light. I also here there’s a guy who used to work at McReynolds. I’m going to have to find him and get some info.

No comments:

Made by Lena