Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Darkness and light

When I first started teaching it was rare for me to make it into my classroom after the sun had risen. I am a morning person. My body wakes itself up and says "Come on, the day is here, lets get on with it." I think I've been running at break-neck speed since I was a junior in high school and my body just went with it. I'm really one of those annoying people who can actually say that they get more done before 8 a.m. than most people do by lunch time. I know, I suck.

As of late I've really struggled getting out of bed. It's probably the cold and the time change. It's easier to make myself get out of bed when the light is already bleeding through my window. My mind starts going and I think of all the things I need to get done today and wanting Marco to finish his worksheet for the first time in a week and needing to pray for Marcus so I don't kill him instead and how I've got to figure out a way to make sure my girls come to our soccer game on Thursday and not the school dance (genius timing on our parts). There's something about being wrapped up in my comforter with no light anywhere that makes me not want to get up, not want to face the day. If I just close my eyes and go back to bed maybe the sun won't rise and my kids won't throw pencils and teachers won't choose to ignore emails that specifically state the plan for the ELA mock test and I won't have to deal with any of it.

It never really works like that though.

The sun does rise and I do will myself out of bed. And now, thanks to springing forward, I once again get to my classroom before the sun has broken the horizon. It's nice though. Me and my classroom and the orange light of the morning. Some day if I stop all of this and actually sleep past sunrise I think I might miss it. There's something nice about knowing that when I'm fighting the darkness and my need to keep sleeping what's running through my head isn't numbers and figures and quarterly earnings, but lesson plans and children's names and faces. When I'm sitting in my room with the cup of coffee I stole from the main office watching the sunrise I'm not thinking about staff meetings or accounts pending or anything like that. I'm thinking about the drill I'm going to run with my girls at practice today and the fact that I'm so excited to teach journalism next year and convince kids that they do have a voice and it is beyond powerful.

If I could wake up everyday for the rest of my life thinking of things like that I don't think it would matter much to me whether the sun had risen or not, all of this would be enough to keep going.

1 comment:

J said...

hi sam,

so cool to find your blog!
can i link to yours from mine?

and yes, we hate you for being able to accomplish things in the morning. i have only seen the sunrise from the other side, you know, staying up way too late! sleep is definitely my drug of choice to avoid the harshness of reality... or at least the harshness of 26 loads of laundry and 21 meals to make and clean up after each week!


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